Trying to get it To work. To work. To . . . it's not Working like it should. Today's Meditation(s): Focus on what's important. Easily said. What would I do if I knew I was going to die tomorrow? Go home, for one. (I'm helping my folks out tonight.) Tell my family I love them. Tell them all the things I want them to know. Kiss my wife and hug my kids. Send a message to friends and family. Take a buttload of heroin. (jk) But that's a one-time approach. If I were spared one more day, and another, etc. eventually those things would be routine, rather than special. But what does it mean to live this way every day? What would that look like? That's a more difficult question to ponder. Much different. Now we're talking rules and principles and habits and behaviors.

Flew above the clouds. Pigs in the sky, I'd have guessed. I never thought I'd... Today's Meditation(s): How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it has to want to change. ( Translated from the original Linear B. ) But it's true though. When I have a goal and consistently don't achieve it, it's always because, somewhere deep inside, I'm not ready to make that change yet.  Whether it's losing weight, exercising, quitting a bad habit, whatever . . . if I'm not committed to it, it doesn't happen. No matter how much I 'want it'. And that's with a supposedly friendly subject. I offer less advice than I used to. I try to convince people less often now. I express my point minus the ferver because I've learned through experience what the teaching above spells out so clearly: if they aren't willing to hear it, no case I make nor rhetoric I use will change their mind. In fact, it often backfir...

Brevity is the Soul of life, per Seneca. And done well with it. Today's Meditation(s): (De Brevitate Vitae 2.1) I really need to get around to reading that while essay in one go. I've done bits and pieces here and there, but never the whole thing at once. I wish I'd shown this to my dad a while ago, prior to his recent health issues. I think it would have been good for him to read Seneca's thoughts. Watch their hands.

It's just one of the Colors in my crayon box. Always makes me sad. Today's Meditation(s): It's not enough for me to be not evil.  I must be actively good.  This helps establish care and connection between people.  The more we can influence by others by example, the more this idea will spread, and the more we will create that harmony. I try to remember this — it's not yet habit — because when I do, I find it much easier to let go of negative feelings and to understand other people. I've done everything I find annoying in others. Multiple times.  Cutting someone off in traffic? Guilty. Blocking the aisle with my cart? Uh-huh. Taking too long to order while people stand behind me in line? Yep. Talking too loud in public being on my phone when I shouldn't leaving litter not sharing teasing and taunting bumping into someone  cutting in line ignoring people telling an offensive joke pretending to care doing sloppy work...? Yes yes yes yes yes...

Wave the flag. Inflate The worries, the pride, the fear. Never let them think. Today's Meditation(s): I have enough. Every time I get The New Thing™ , it fails me. It disappoints. Damn thing just sits there and is, without a single  make me happy now action.  Doesn't even try. Stupid thing. Stupid me. Expecting happiness to come in a box or with a bow.

Thanks for the good time, Amigo mio. Limit's Been reset further. Today's Meditation(s): Why stop there? Get to know me better and you'd still be talking. Even laying in bed has it's limits. Ask any long-term patient, they'll tell you exactly how much it sucks.

Tripped up short, still set. Back before we're ready, set. Go to my happy. Today's Meditation(s): Patriotism . . .  noun: devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty. (Dictionary.com) It seems that many who use the term really mean nationalism: my country right or wrong. But any patriotic pride, excessive or not, makes no sense. Amorphous good feelings based on something I had nothing to do with is illogical and unrewarding. It is both prior to me and separate from me, a paradigm of 'not within my control'. Instead of trying to steal meaning from someone else's actions, or for an accident of my birth, focus on building my own meaning now, today, myself.

But they're not ready. That's fine. Tell them anyway. Plant seeds. Let them grow. Today's Meditation(s): So much fear in the world. So many whipped up frenzies, full of Sturm und Drang , stoking paranoia and reactionary reflexes. "But but but they're coming to killlllll uuuuusssssss!" Yes. Some bad people do bad things. It's not a fantasy or a joke. It's also not new.  What's new is that we hear about exceedingly rare events from all over the globe, making them seem common and imminent. No, a serial killer is not stalking you. No, a terrorist is not planning to attack your town. No, no one is going to kidnap your child and perform Satanic rituals on them. No, fantanyl is not going to be in the candy your kids get for Halloween. Rare things are rare. Yes, those things do happen, perhaps will happen somewhere in the world, but the odds of it happening to you are a few in 8+ billion. Today, 99.9999999999% of the people you meet will be no...

Today's Meditation(s): Progress from one form to another. Do I like this better than the last? Do I hate it? Who cares? Life happens and my preferences are irrelevant. I either deal with reality as it is or I daydream my way into ineffectiveness. Not much of a choice.

All of us with wings. Too many. S----. A-----. J----. And one more soon. Today's Meditation(s): What do I know?  It's not that I'm ignorant, it's just that I know so much that isn't so. It creates blindspots, places I don't look, not for fear or for anxiety but for the simple fact that I think I've already seen what's there.

Bewilderment stuns In it's rapidity and Complete destruction. Today's Meditation(s): If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Cooperation is a force multiplier, to use a martial term.  With it, we achieve so much more than we could alone. We become more than the sum of our parts.

Glad heart makes light talks. Communication's kernal In sincerity. Today's Meditation(s): If I lose my kindness, what's my rationality for? If I lose my rationality, what effect will my 'kindness' actually have? And if I have neither, I am deathly ill. Treat me as such.

Patient, be Doctor. Failing processes flag hopes. Doc can't heal himself. Today's Meditation(s): Under strain, in confusion, we forget about principles. They're there — they're still applicable — but temporarily lost in the storm. We say things we don't mean.  We strike out at those trying to help us. Maybe we stare daggers. It's a time for understanding, for compassion and support. Put on my big boy pants and my thick skin. Nothing here can harm me, because it's not real. It's a mirage, an illusion, a phantom, a mistake. Oh that I might be certain of my certainty.

Let me take the things That help me sleep here. So tired I can't breath and wake. Today's Meditation(s): Compassion for all because all share the same inherent value. A tough task, to be sure. Today, I've been preparing more for when my dad dies. This good man whom I love will be absent from our lives.  My mom will lose her spouse of 60 years. My siblings and I will lose our father. My kids will lose their grandfather. His friends will lose a mentor, a  confidant, a supporter, a teacher, and a leader. The graveyards are full of all indispensable men, eh? Soon, they may claim another good man. To our loss.

Sandy blonde tousled Bespectacled son. I miss you. Today's Meditation(s): My friend and I have known each other about 30 years now.  We're the same age (separated by 19 days). And we've both spent the past few months watching our fathers' health fail. My dad is still with us.  His passed yesterday afternoon. I feel for him and he knows I'm here to talk, but we live far apart....  I hope he finds peace. My dad is worried about dying.  We talked the other day and I mentioned to him that, short of his committing a heinous act before he passes, his grades are already turned in. His whole life is a testament to the person he is. No last minute cramming is going to tip the primeval scales. They've already weighed his soul and know the verdict. He has always been a good, good man. Someone I am proud to know and prouder still to have as a dad. Hell be fine.

Choices in amber, (Suspended ambernation?) Are no choice at all. Today's Meditation(s): As I sit here, watching my folk's sleep after staying over last night, I found myself fretting about being late to work. Then I reminded myself of two things and felt better: 1. The work will still be there. 2. The graveyards are full of people the world could not do without.  ~(variously attributed) The world will turn. Life will go on. My delay costs me a little money, but no more. Caring for my parents comes first.

I detest the 'news'. Manipulation, dismay, False outrage and lies. Today's Meditation(s): What do my enemies say about me? I don't know. I don't know them. I've had people I considered good friends ghost me, but they never told me what triggered the split. (One disappeared from my life and never spoke to me again. The other, when we reconnected for a month or so, didn't say what prompted the split.) I'm sure people criticize me. I talk too much (or not enough). I think I'm smart. I didn't do my task (or did it wrong) and caused them trouble. I'm prideful. I'm annoying. I get angry. I say things I shouldn't. I eat too much. I'm a hypocrite. I only pretend to be nice. My manners are wrong or missing. I think I'm better than others. I'm racist, sexist, elitist, mean, and untrustworthy. My opinions are old and wrong. My effort is insufficient. My commitment is lacking. (Shee-it. I shoulda just thought about what I ...

Do with a glad heart What Fate brings to my table. The right thing. Always. Today's Meditation(s): Happiness is simple, not easy. I know what I need to do, but I don't do it.  Hell, even when I am actively trying  to be good, I let myself do stupid things as if I were an automaton and not in control my own actions . An easy example: I look at the snack in the cabinet or pantry.  I'll feel the passion arise to pick it up and eat it.  I reach of and take hold of it.  Then I tell myself, 'No. Don't eat that.  It's unnecessary.  It's be bad for your health.  It will make you fatter.  It won't taste as good as it I think it will.  Whatever taste is does have, I'll be distracted while eating and won't even notice it.  Half of it will be gone, unconsciously consumed before I even notice. Even if it magically did live up to the glory my imagination promises, taste is fleeting. It's here and gone, never to return.  There is...