210605 What I learned in my studies this morning

Meditating as

I walk through fields with my son. 

Peaceful ritual. 

Daily Stoic: 

Why do I bewail my fate instead of, in Marcus Aurelius' words, "get[ting] busy in [my] own rescue"? 

Action to change my situation is better than praying for someone else to save me. 

 

Today's Meditations:

"The people you respect and admire? The people who seem to be so self-aware, so in touch with themselves? The chances that they keep a journaling practice is nearly a guarantee. Not only because the list of known journalers throughout history is comically long—Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, Virginia Woolf, Joan Didion, John Steinbeck, Sylvia Plath, Anaïs Nin, Martina Navratilova, and Ben Franklin—just to name a few, but because it’s impossible to become so without taking that interior voyage. That’s what the greats realized. That’s why they journaled. It wasn’t to be immortalized in history. It wasn’t to produce Nobel Prize-worthy prose. It wasn’t so other people might learn who they were. No, it was so they themselves might learn who they are. What are you waiting for? Take the interior voyage." — from "Take The Interior Voyage"

From A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine 

Chapter 13: Anger — On Overcoming Anti-Joy

More strategies for managing anger... 

Remember that we anger people, too. Sometimes we're the irritant. Since no one is a perfect Stoic sage, we sometimes cause the same problems in others that we're trying to avoid in ourselves. 

In fact, even if we were a perfect Stoic sage, we would still manage to piss off some people because of other things going on in their lives. Their reaction is irrational; we are merely the nearest outlet for ire caused by something unrelated to us. 

By remembering that we cause anger in others, either as a proximate cause or as the closest available victim, it is easier for us to manage our own reactions to people and circumstances. 

Aside: As a tangential lesson, turn it around and realize that sometimes we're the irrational one and this person we are angry with did not, in fact, do something worthy of our exasperation. They were simply the closest target for emotions already in motion, waiting for a convenient escape from our self-control. 

Flip the script. What happens when we get angry?  Our breathing increases. Our brow furrows. Our lips compress. Our blood pressure rises. Our bodies, essentially prepare for a fight. 

Physically change this. Relax your brow. Slow your breathing. Unclench your hands. 

Think of something good to interrupt your negative thought pattern and redirect it to a positive track. Focus on that good thing and watch your stress abate in real time. 

Aside: Our brains often do not distinguish between a physical threat and an emotional one, reacting similarly to each. Our bodies affect our mind and our minds affect our bodies. This is why training ourselves to alter the physical effects of anger helps alter the mental effects as well. 

Apologize. Since anger, like grief, is often an involuntary reaction to stimuli, we may become angry with someone before we realize it, doing or saying something we shouldn't. If this happens, an apology has several positive effects. 

It calms us. That alone will help us think more clearly and act more effectively to defuse the situation. 

It assuages hurt feelings and help prevent further unpleasantness: it calms others and let's them be more rational as well. 

Finally, it makes us a better person more in harmony with our fellows and more likely to foresee and prevent future negative reactions. 

Let it go.  Avoid dwelling on the issue and disturbing your inner peace in the hours that follow. Choose joy over anti-joy. Choose a positive life. You have that power. 

Daily Shakespeare: 

Sonnet 27