210926 What I learned in my studies this morning

In stillness, at peace 

Paddling beneath the surface.

In stillness, action.

Daily Stoic I:

Idle minds are the devil's workshop, right?  A life of improvement, studying the old sages to meliorate my thoughts and guide me to a satisfied life, would be nice.  Not having to spend time working on someone else's plans so I can pursue my own?  Wonderbar! 

So why, when given a taste of a life like that, do I waste so much time on frivolous shite like bad movies or unfunny, uninspiring, unintelligent nonsense?

I understand setting down my books to create a memory, doing something that will create an experience I can use to grow my soul, deepen my relationships, or touch the face of god. 

These are times when I'm exchanging one form of philosophy for another, not laying it aside in toto and frittering away some minutes of my life. 

For the rest of it, however, I should use my time better. 

Daily Stoic II:

Whose slave am I?  Let's start small.  Caffeine.  Yep.  Now big?  Approval. Too often, too much. 

Now that my little wordplay is done, seriously though, I give up my happiness my satisfaction in life for lots of things not under my control. 

I run a page on Facebook. Couple of 'em.  I squander time every day drafting content and compulsively reworking posts until they publish. 

Why? Because I like the dopamine hit when I get  reactions or comments. Good or bad, that tiny emotional surge is the same when the new comment / reaction notice hits my attention.  A hit is a hit is a hit.  I am a slave to that. 

On another addiction front, I played a game for four years, from the first week or so when it debuted.  I was probably a top 2000 player in the world. It did nothing other than cost money and cause minor mental swings, good or bad, depending on my performance. Plus, the (illusory) pressure of being in a top rated guild was grating. 

I quit a month ago, giving away my account to a mate with the promise I could return if I wanted to. It was really hard the first few weeks, but now I've broken the habit and I'm freer for it.  The relief is palpable. 

I want people to think well of me. I try to present myself to the world so people see the good and hide the bad. I'd be disappointed if my friends thought less of me discovered "the real me." 

I consider myself a good writer.  It's part of my identity. I like others to think I can turn a phrase, as well. 

See how I took the chance to point out the wordplay in the first paragraph at the start of the second? Look how smart I am.  I couldn't not say anything because I feared you would miss it. I still fear that but don't want to look like an asshole by saying anything.  

I spend an inordinate amount of time allowing some piece of my serenity to be dependent on others' opinions.  This stress is based 100% on external things. 

It's gotten better, but it's like fighting a tide.  Any slack in my efforts only hastens the retreat of any progress I make.  

Sisyphus, call your office. 

Today's Meditation:

Two versions of the say day in different translations of Tolstoy's A Calendar of Wisdom.  I'm wondering about the difference in content, not translation.... 

Today's Meditation II:

Today's Poem: