230310 What I learned in my studies this morning 3

Morning reflection?

It's been so long, I forgot.

It's so refreshing!

Thoughts:

I've been doing most of my reflection at night for a while now, despite what my blog title suggests. I just haven't been up early enough to do my reading before work or other activities.

So they lie fallow until evening when I am sometimes to tired to think. The last two days are good examples.

So let's get into something I began last night: evil impulses.

I have bad thoughts. Often. Not about those I know personally, but about people who do harm to others and to my community.  My mind wanders into scenarios where these people are hurt, physically hurt, to make them understand just how much their actions are fucking things up.  How much what they've done hurts not only their victims, but everyone.  And these brief fantasies sometimes get dark.

And I hate it.  I find myself thinking these things, imagining them in detail, and it disgusts me.  Just because someone acts in a way I wish they wouldn't, I don't get to be violent toward them, to coerce them, so they make the choices I wish they would.

I believe in love, not hate.

I believe in kindness, not cruelty.

I believe in persuasion, not force.

I believe in peace, not aggression.

Too often I have to manually stop myself from daydreaming about all the wrong parts of those propositions.

I am happy that my second thoughts are corrective of this worst part of my nature . . . I just wish I could prevent such thoughts from forming in the first place.

Today's Meditation:

Today's Meditation II:

Today's Meditation II: