231122 What I learned in my studies this morning 4

Giving back to life

What is only loaned to me 
Is a hard lesson.

Today's Meditation(s):

My son was only lent to me for short time. My father for longer, though that time may be coming to an end.

When it does, will I be able to say 'Of course'? Will I be able to mean it?

I think about my impending loss and try to prepare. I try to imagine the time after it happens and how I will respond.

Will I remember to put my mom first? Her pain will be so much more than any son's could. She'll lose the man she's loved and shared her life with for more than 60 years. Helping her is so important to me. And it will be so hard to see the hurt she feels.

Will I remember to help my siblings? To support them and love them, to give them my care and attention as well as I can?

Will I remember to hold my family close and to help them through the loss of their grandfather? To explain to them and love them and give them my support?

Will I be able to process my own grief and find peace with the memory of my dad? Will I have had the courage to say everything I want or need to say before he is gone from my life? Will I accept my own loss and continue to be the best person I can be, avoiding self pity, depression, blame and other enervating thoughts?

I tell myself yes. I fear I am wrong.