240117 What I learned in my studies this morning 4

I signed the letter.
I chose promotion. Movin'.
Now to get looking....

Today's Meditation(s):

Started reading Pierre Hadot's The Inner Citadel yesterday. Just barely into it, I'm really looking forward to learning more about Marcus Aurelius and his Meditations.

Still working on A Companion to Marcus Aurelius and Long's Hellenistic Philosophy.

But I know this is all vanity. I'm just learning because it's fun and I enjoy it. Perhaps it will help me be a better Stoic, but so much of academic philosophy is just analysis without soul.*

For instance, the Companion, while a great read and interesting as hell, has, so far (seventeen chapters in), not offered much in terms of helping me be a more virtuous person.

======

Watching my dad's mental regression is tough. He's no longer the man who raised me. So I think back to my Stoic lessons...

He's only loaned to me for a time and I must, at some point, return him to Nature.

I've known all along he is mortal. To expect otherwise is ignorant and harmful. If I pretend he is not, I will not be ready when he does die.  Life will be harder for my mom, my sister, my brother, my kids and niece and nephew if I do less than I can to help when he is gone because I lied to myself now.

His death is not only natural, but acceptable. Having discussed it with him before, I know he does not want to live past his natural lifespan, if such is even possible. He's had a DNR in place for a long time and was always concerned with quality of life rather than unmitigated length.

His death is external to me. While grief is natural, excessive grief is not. I need to look for positive ways to channel my emotions and model proper behavior for my children. Let them see me grieve. Let them understand that emotions are natural and ok. And let them see that even grief such as this can spur us on rather than shut us down.

======

* I believe I have sufficient credentials to say this without fear of contradiction.