240314 What I learned in my studies this morning 4

Today's Meditation(s):

Came across this today.

Decatastrophizing (i.e. using neutral terms, without adding emotional judgments to the description) my first reaction, this was . . . unexpected. Certainly not something I thought I'd see on a 'humor' site today.

It provoked a passion in me that made me . . . ineffective . . . for the next few minutes.

Yes, I blame myself for my son's death. No, I'm not over it. I try to be a better husband, father, and man to make up for it, to assuage my guilt. It doesn't work, it cannot, but I try anyway because I have no choice.

He is gone and pretending he is not, or neurotically wishing he were not, is actively harmful, delusional.

I know it's natural for me to still feel bad about my son.  What would not be natural would be extravagant grief. I sometimes wish I were more expressive, though. It would probably feel good to vent some of this.

I'm still working through this process, finding my way. I may never reach the end of the journey. I walk anyway.