250713 What I learned in my studies this morning 5

Today's Meditation:

A Note to My Family 2

-----

I ended my story about narratives yesterday with this sentiment:

"There is no shame in it happening. There is shame is letting it own you, in letting it control you as if you were a marionette, with no will or purpose of your own."

I am ashamed of my actions last night: I was tired and frustrated about Child1's bedtime. I was making milk and telling him to finish his preparations, etc. when all I wanted was to go to bed.

Queue the narrative: I'm doing all this by myself because my family is lazy and doesn't care.

It seems short, but there was a good 5 minutes of build-up happening here. I was not happy.

Then mom appeared and offered to take over. I went into our room and soon realized how unfair I was being.

Did I tell anyone I was tired? No.

Did I ask for help, which would have been freely given? No.

Did I stop myself from brooding and try to derail those thoughts? Again, no.

I could feel it as it built, but I accepted it instead of using my studies to help control and defuse the mental pressure. I felt justified in being angry and, as we can all attest, it felt a little good to lean into the mad and stoke it.

Despite years of study and a committment to following a Stoic path, I fell effortlessly into a narrative that was incorrect and damaging. I snapped at your mom. I shut the door too hard. I refused to go and read a simple bedtime story to Child1.

The moral? It happens. As soon as you realize it, go and make it right. Either stop the emotions mid-process and dig your way out or realize it's over and you need to make amends.

So, please, watch yourself. No, really: watch yourself.

Pretend you are a third-party with no stake in the issue. If your friend was acting this way, would you think them wise? Would you think 'they're setting themselves up to be as successful as they can be here, now.'? Are they showing the love they have for their family and friends?

Any time you feel yourself getting frustrated, angry, envious, anxious . . . force yourself to stop, even if only for 5 seconds, and reconsider the path you are on.

I love you.