210511 What I learned in my studies this morning

Joy in my children 

Laughter even in tough times. 

Stoic gratitude. 

From The Daily Stoic: 

Virtue is its own reward. Vice is its own punishment. If I live properly, according to justice, temperance, courage, and wisdom, my heart and my soul can be at peace. 

Today's Meditation:

Hedonic adaptation. <<The hedonic treadmill, also known as hedonic adaptation, is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.>> (Wikipedia) 

This is why Stoic negative visualization helps create a sense of appreciation for life in those who practice it.

A long quote from A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine.

<<Epictetus also advocates negative visualization. He counsels us, for example, when we kiss our child, to remember that she is mortal and not something we own—that she has been given to us “for the present, not inseparably nor for ever.” His advice: In the very act of kissing the child, we should silently reflect on the possibility that she will die tomorrow. In his Meditations, by the way, Marcus Aurelius approvingly quotes this advice. 

To see how imagining the death of a child can make us appreciate her, consider two fathers. The first takes Epictetus’s advice to heart and periodically reflects on his child’s mortality. The second refuses to entertain such gloomy thoughts. He instead assumes that his child will outlive him and that she will always be around for him to enjoy. The first father will almost certainly be more attentive and loving than the second. When he sees his daughter first thing in the morning, he will be glad that she is still a part of his life, and during the day he will take full advantage of opportunities to interact with her. The second father, in contrast, will be unlikely to experience a rush of delight on encountering his child in the morning. Indeed, he might not even look up from the newspaper to acknowledge her presence in the room. During the day, he will fail to take advantage of opportunities to interact with her in the belief that such interactions can be postponed until tomorrow. And when he finally does get around to interacting with her, the delight he derives from her company will not be as profound, one supposes, as the delight the first father experiences from such interactions.

... 

THE CRITIC OF STOICISM might now raise another concern. If you don’t appreciate something, you won’t mind losing it. But thanks to their ongoing practice of negative visualization, the Stoics will be remarkably appreciative of the people and things around them. Haven’t they thereby set themselves up for heartache? Won’t they be deeply pained when life snatches these people and things away, as it sometimes surely will? 

Consider, by way of illustration, the two fathers mentioned earlier. The first father periodically contemplates the loss of his child and therefore does not take her for granted; to the contrary, he appreciates her very much. The second father assumes that his child will always be there for him and therefore takes her for granted. It might be suggested that because the second father does not appreciate his child, he will respond to her death with a shrug of his shoulders, whereas the first father, because he deeply appreciates his child, has set himself up for heartache if she dies. Stoics, 

I think, would respond to this criticism by pointing out that the second father almost certainly will grieve the loss of his child: He will be full of regret for having taken her for granted. In particular, he is likely to be racked with “if only” thoughts: “If only I had spent more time playing with her! If only I had told her more bedtime stories! If only I had gone to her violin recitals instead of going golfing!” The first father, however, will not have similar regrets; because he appreciated his daughter he will have taken full advantage of opportunities to interact with her. 

Make no mistake: The first father will grieve the death of his child. As we shall see, the Stoics think periodic episodes of grief are part of the human condition. But at least this father can take consolation in the knowledge that he spent well what little time he had with his child. The second father will have no such consolation and as a result might find that his feelings of grief are compounded by feelings of guilt. It is the second father, I think, who has set himself up for heartache.>>

I've lost a child. My son died 8 years ago. It's one of the primary reasons I search for peace in these meditations. 

How I wish I'd known about Stoic negative visualization then! Appreciating him while he was here. 

This thought occurs to me almost daily as I watch my other children make their way through life. I know, know, that at any time I could lose them forever. It tempers my frustration when they bother me. It heightens my gratitude for the blessing they are in my life, even when they misbehave. It makes me love them more.