Today's Meditation(s): Stoics may feign emotions they do not feel to achieve a goal. Outwardly mourning with a friend while inwardly remaining untraumatized. Pretending anger when it's necessary to spur to action a person who ignores other motivational techniques. It's a matter of keeping my emotions in check. Simulating anger without becoming angry is a tricky proposition. It's so easy to forget, even for just a second, and experience the ire rather than merely imagining it. That's all that may be needed to dump some adrenaline and encourage the passion rather than control it. Very tricky to pull off in real life, for me anyway.  I rarely attempt it because I too often fail to keep my actions and my passions separate. I risk all the vicious effects of unimpeded anger had I let my passions run free in the first place. So this only works when I know ahead of time and can prepare for the role, so to speak. Premeditatio Malorum helps even when it's a scene of fa

Today's Meditation(s): Take what is offered, not too much, and move on.  Accept moderation, show temperance and patience, rein in desires and aversions. Be happy with what Fate's allotment, in both substance and duration. If I can do these things, I would be imperturbable as Buddha.

Today's Meditation(s): Today's reading included Hadot's summary of Epictetus' Stoicism. Especially notes about how physics, dialectics, and ethics are all parts one organic whole: philosophy as life. And... Unlike Plato, Stoics saw the three subjects of philosophy as intertwined and inseparable. The only time they're separated is in class. In real life, they're unified. I need to reread this section. It seems too important to leave at this level of understanding.

Today's Meditation(s): More thoughts about my boss. He is really good at keeping an even keel and maintaining his calm in the face of provocation. I know he gets upset with things, but, if you don't know him really well and know his tells, you may never notice. He is scrupulously fair. Even in cases where no one else on earth would bother with the extra effort, he does. He's kind-hearted. He cares more than people understand. And more besides.

Today's Meditation(s): Yesterday , I was bemoaning the determinism Hadot describes in Stoic physics. Looking at his source, it comes from the Stoicorum Veterum Fragments ( or SVA for us kids in the know), §§ 625, 596-632. Ok. So I find that .  Turns out, this is by Chrysippus. Well, my Greek is a bit rusty. Ok, let's go find an English explanation . . . . The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy (or IEP for us kids in the know), got here ahead of me . (Gee . . .  who knew this had been considered before?) Looking through the search results, it seems that the Stoics think of it this way: Determinist  — I was fated to do bad thing X. I could not have chosen any other way. Compatibilists / Stoics — But you did choose. Is that really what it comes down to? Sorta. The non-destruction of one's coat, [Chrysippus] says, is not fated simply, but co-fated with its being taken care of, and someone's being saved from his enemies is co-fated with his fleeing those en

Today's Meditation(s): Today's reading was about determinism in Stoicism.  As Hadot explains it, that's some hardcore determinism there. How does a determined world expect moral suasion to work? How do we know I was not fated to fail? That there's nothing I could have done differently, thus voiding the moral value of the action? I'm sure that's a naive view, but I need to know more about it. It's a lesson which has somehow escaped me until now. So I've got some study to do. I'm ok with that.

Today's Meditation(s): So says Seneca in his  Moral Letters  (XX,(§§ 3, 5). He uses examples of disparate choices people make in how they live: t his person has a hovel of a house, but eats expensive foods; this one acts seemly at home, but struts around with arrogance in public; e tc. If my principles are solid, and generally applicable to life, then I need not use one rule for houses, another for cars, a third for food, etc.  That said, how hard is that? I have a nice house . . . but it's less then it could have been had I accepted the bigger mortgage. I have a dependable car . . . but it's not flashy. To me, cars have always been a means to an end, not a store of personal worth. If it gets me there and back safely and reliably, I pretty much don't care what it looks like. My big indulgence is food. I like good food. My wife can tell you: I'm never satisfied with the restaurants I already know (unless it's a proven, top-notch place). Rather, I'm always lo

Today's Meditation(s): Praising someone who is important in my life, as any good Stoic might: I planned for my boss' retirement party today. I'm really going to miss him. Best boss I ever had. Great guy. Moral. Principled. Talented. Learned how to be my manager in such a way that we always made a better team than either of us could do alone. He taught me how to be a better writer and better colleague. He showed me every day it is possible to be both good at your job and a good person. And a good friend. Thanks for 15 years of mentoring and camaraderie.

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 14.a (Waterfield) What is 'up to me' and what is not 'up to me'? Within my power are reason, judgment, assent, opinion, response, mercy, kindness, altrusim. Not within my power are health, wealth, reputation, family, friends, life, death, success, failure, disrespect, physics. If I limit my desires to appropriate versions of these internal states, then I cannot be thwarted. I follow the standard Stoic delineation between preferred and dispreferred indifferents. Unless it would cost my virtue, good health is preferred to bad health, despite it not being up to me. The same with wealth, public office, a good economy, etc. If I want my father to recover and be his healthy self again, I'm asking for the impossible and can only be disappointed. If I ask that I bear his eventual loss well, that is up to me and can be accomplished. I do a lot of premeditatio malorum . What can happen? How can I respond well? How can I be

Today's Meditation(s): 14 years, 8 months and 25 days. 5,383 days. That's how old my son would be today. Instead, I returned him 11 years ago. I always take this day off work. I'm just not up for dealing with picayune things today. All I want to do is curl into a ball and disappear within myself, tighter and tighter until I implode. But it never works out that way. Instead of wallowing in bed, I'm at the dentist getting a tooth fixed. Later, other things will impinge, preventing my chosen penance. Perhaps I can use this pain as a bit of self-flagellation.... I'll go visit him in a little while, after my dentist completes his treatments. Picking up a burger and fries to share with him at his grave. I'll talk for a while. He won't respond. I'll go home. He'll stay there. Still. It's a continuum , thinking of who he was vs who he would be. I'll think about what he'd be like. Would he play Ultimate with his little brother and me? Would he be

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 12 (Waterfield) What is worth my peace of mind? Is it my choice? Or is it an unstoppable passion that can only be interrupted, not preempted? Are there levels? I can't answer any of these questions. My guess is there are levels: some impressions can be foreseen and preparations can be made. They likely don't catch me off guard and can be nipped before they bud. Others shock and surprise me: temporarily overwhelming me and my recovery period is related to how well I practiced my lessons beforehand.

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 11 (Waterfield) A providential universe provides and recalls according to its plan, not ours. But what if the universe is not watching over us? How does it change this passage? What difference does it make when we must 'return' someone or something, leaving them in our past? Not much, I'd argue. Perhaps there's a psychological difference. If we  believe in a guiding beneficence, maybe we will  feel better about our loss. The loss itself doesn't change, but maybe it's easier? As I understand it, Stoicism doesn't worry about easier or harder unless it  affects the virtue of the action. It's still a decision to look at the death of a loved one through a certain bias, to understand it within the context of a 'return' which, itself, eases the pain. ABC views their loss as a return of something temporarily held because they believe God did these things according to The Plan. XYZ views their loss as a

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 10 (Waterfield) I do this often — find myself stymied and ask 'what is necessary for me in this? how do I practice virtue here, now?' — as I navigate my daily doings.* It helps me accept how things are rather than how I wish they were. I can pause, step back, and evaluate the situation, looking for the best path forward despite, or, perhaps, because of, any reservations. I find it happens most when I become impatient - with my kids, with my spouse, with work, with whatever frustrates me. Like a few days ago when I was in that  livid † funk and couldn't escape it. I focused on practicing patience, on accepting that this sucks but I will make it through. Even if it was simply waiting it out until I fall asleep and wake the next day. Even if it didn't feel better during the wait. ===== Epictetus ends this with impressions. The Greek word here — φαντασία ‡ — means 'appearance' or 'appearing', something 

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 9  (Waterfield) Will = self. Self = will. Will = ruling faculty, reason, thinking / considering / deciding thing. Until the final impulse travels through my mind, I am forever something unsullied by the outside world unless I err, unless I mistake something external for myself. Now if I could just learn how to keep my thoughts aligned with this wisdom on a regular basis, I'd be set....

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 8 (Waterfield) So simple. So hard. So . . . . . . . . . what? So much so far so long? So . . . anyway . . .  today has been much better than yesterday. I'm glad I was right and all I needed to do was wait it out. (Never did figure out what the issue was.) I did not wish yesterday was the way it was. But I did manage to focus on making sure I controlled my actions, staying nice to coworkers and clerks, being kind to my family. I focused on what I could do and it made all the difference. ===== You are not singular in your suspicions that you know but little. The longer I live, the more I read, the more patiently I think, and the more anxiously inquire, the less I seem to know . . . .  Do justly. Love mercy. Walk humbly. This is enough…  ~ John Adams

Today's Meditation(s): It's been one of  those  days, ya know?  I've had to remind myself often of my Stoic practices. Nothing seems to go right.  My mind is scattered and I can't think straight.  I can't concentrate.  I've been shit at work and, even when I take a break to do something 'fun,' it stresses me out and I feel overwhelmed. I can't even focus long enough to read my philosophy. And I have no idea why . It's a hell of a lot easier to ' look at the Big Picture ' or reflect on ' who will care about X in ten years? ' when I know what X is. All I have is a vague malaise which is keeping me from being effective and from enjoying anything. I can remind myself that this is a natural state for human to experience — many others have experienced this before me and will after (hells, I've experienced it before) — but that gets me no closer to identifying what it is that has me gyrating off- kilter . The best I've got is th

Today's Meditation(s): Enchiridion 6 (Waterfield) I've done fairly well in life to limit my pride. Accepting my accomplishments without downplaying them, I don't usually crow about them or look for the praise of others. (Receiving praise is for me, as for most people, of course often quite satisfying. But I don't expect it.) Given that praise is easily located within the sphere of 'what is not up to me,' this bent of personality has saved me much consternation over the years. But there's always work to be done, improvement to be made.

Today's Meditation(s): I haven't given up, but I often chastise myself over my moral failures. Wishing I'd done better and feeling bad for my transgressions. One way I deal with this is, when the situation allows, I talk to my kids about it. I try to show them that just because I screwed up doesn't mean I've failed and can therefore abandon my quest. It means I have to read more, think more, practice more of the things that have helped eliminate so many of the sins I used to commit. I'm not close to what I should be, but I am closer than I was. I need to take the W and head out to try again.

Today's Meditation(s): What is up to me — judgments, opinions, desires, aversions — are those internal things guided by my reason. Everything else is not up to me. Health, success, family, friends, possessions . . . all may be taken from me without my consent. If I concern myself with only those things properly up to me, I cannot be thwarted. I cannot be harmed. All must be as I want because I want only what is up to me.

Today's Meditation(s): I repeat this lesson to my children often. Besides the basics of the philosophical ideas, I use practical considerations as the primary justification for why this rule is important and useful. If something happens, and you need to act, which gives you the best chance of acting most effectively? Allowing yourself to be carried away by the instinctive reaction generated by your passions or acknowledging the feelings, setting them aside to be handled later, and thinking clearly about options, abilities, and probable outcomes? This they grasp easily and agree with readily. I've done this enough that when I bring it up, they will sometimes finish the idea for me. Though they've never had to use this advice in a dire situation, they use it sometimes in daily life. It warms my heart when I see it.

Today's Meditation(s): This passage came up in my reading this morning: Meditations 5.6 (Waterfield) This lead me to two other passages: Meditations 7.73 (Waterfield) Meditations 9.42 (end) (Waterfield) What made it fortuitous is that I got to share these thoughts with my kids. Why is this lucky?  Because just last night, in our lessons about communication, we discussed 'keeping score' and its ramifications. Our lessons have been based around Leil Lowndes useful (if a bit dated) book, How to Talk to Anyone .  In it, the very last technique she offers is called The Great Scorecard in the Sky . Lowndes is speaking primarily of business relationships, but notes that this also applies to personal connections. She notes that, in business, Big winners . . . ask themselves 'Who has the most to benefit from this relationship? What has each of us done recently that demands deference from the other?' And what can I do to even the score? In this context, it's about navigat

Today's Meditation(s): Time for bed. I don't like it when I forget to blog until late, when I'm tired and need to go to bed so I can get up early. Ergo, tonight is mostly just a quick recap rather than a pondering. Lots of reading. Samples of Musonius Rufus, Seneca, etc. Trying out different translations, authors, etc. Spent time doing communications lessons with my kids. Read more of Good Inside. A pretty good day all round.

Today's Meditation(s): Been thinking about free will today. Got a sample for Daniel Dennett's new book with Gregg Caruso, Just Deserts: Debating Free Will , and read through the intro and part of Chapter 1. (I did my master's thesis about consciousness and, of course, Dennett was a huge part of that.) I also read the sample for Good Inside , a parenting book by Dr. Becky Kennedy. In the limited scope of the intro and first chapter, I noticed some Stoic(-ish) ideas like rejecting rash judgment when reacting to events and assuming that people are rational and bad actions are caused by mistaken beliefs. Together, it's an interesting mix of ideas floating in my head tonight. The Stoics believed in a providential universe. Everything is guided for the best. And they believed in free will compatiblism. (From Seneca and His World  by Elizabeth Asmis, Shadi Bartsch, and Martha C. Nussbaum, prefacatory remarks to Graver and Long's version of Seneca's Letters

Today's Meditation(s): I'm a confused Stoic.   I have two degrees in philosophy.  It was all normal, late 20-century American academic philosophy (focused on modern ideas, logic, parsing words and thoughts into oblivion, etc.). What is was  not  was training in how to live virtuously. I take full blame for this. I was kid who didn't understand and so didn't use my time and efforts wisely. (Ironic for a philosophy student....)  The resources were there at my university had I realized what I should  be doing.  I didn't get it yet so never took advantage of them. Anyway, a few years ago, my friend and fellow philosophy student (now philosopher) gave me the beautiful hardcover Penguin Classics edition of Seneca's Letters .  It was in working my way through this treasury that I found a reason to study and apply what I have missed out on earlier in life. After Seneca's Moral Letters  — I'll always feel a special attachment to that work because it came first —

Today's Meditation(s): My patience is utterly gone. As if it never existed in the first place. I'm so frustrated, not one of my Stoic techniques is working. I'm going to bed and put this shit behind me. Philosophy can wait for tomorrow.

Today's Meditation(s): I feel poorly today. Lack of sleep. A new medication. Stress from all the usual sources (money, people, the future, work, etc.) + my dad's dying. Lacking sufficient sagacity, these things distress me. But I work on it. Others have suffered far worse than this and done so nobly. So there is a way, I just need to find it. Ten years from now, I'll look back on these trials and wonder what at the anxiety I experienced. They are bearable, so I must have borne them. I must have found the way, even if it were as sedentary as simply outwaiting the discomfort. Similarly, in the Big Picture, my concerns are picayune. Other people are facing cancers and war and trauma and starvation. Since this isn't the 'who's hurt worse' Olympics, I'm not saying that my worries don't count. I'm saying that mine are all handle-able issues. 'He who has only my troubles is fortunate indeed.' (I cannot find a source for this, though

Today's Meditation(s): So here's the thrust of Hadot's third chapter: And the list from XII, 26: Someday, when I'm a grown-up, I'll be able to list these kephalaia myself. For now, it's been a draining day and I need to sleep. Philosophy must accept my dreams as a canvas this evening. ===== Jealousy and envy rarely see the full picture, rarely take into account the costs—past and future—that go along with something. Besides, it’s pointless. We have our life. Our fate. We have our own happiness to attend to. (The Daily Stoic)  I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good Living life just like I should Wouldn't change it if I could I'm good, I'm good, I'm good The Mowgli's ( sic ) Bad things are happening, but good people are going to make it better. (The Cloverfield Paradox) 

Today's Meditation(s): Today I resisted temptation. Today I gave in to temptation. This morning, I talked myself into eating more than I meant to, but I talked myself out of indulging this evening.  I went happily to read to my child before bed, but earlier had demured when they asked me to play with them. I'm batting .500 (+/-) today, but that's not nearly good enough. Time to be better.

Today's Meditation(s): Hadot, The Inner Citadel , ch. 3  The three dogmas Hadot references are, put too succinctly: 1. Armor fati 2. Practice justice 3. Assent with Reason Acceptance, justice and wisdom, and primacy of reason seem like good goals to me. Drilling those lessons until they are second nature is a major goal of this journal.