More on grief today.  A subject near to my heart.  Treated day-by-day.  From The Daily Stoic:  It's the answer to "Why bother to do all of this?" It's simple, yet difficult. Impetus to continue my reading and studying and practicing.  Everything to be a better person. A better husband. A better father. A better son. A better brother. A better friend.  Today's Meditation: From A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 12: Grief — On Vanquishing Tears with Reason Comforting someone should not be the same as experiencing their pain as your own.  We can be empathetic and understanding. We can offer succor and provide strength. We can do all the things we should do to help our heartbroken friend without breaking our own heart in the process.  Grief is natural and cathartic. It helps us process the loss we have experienced. To pretend it doesn't exist, or has zero value is

Life goes on and on,  A quick stream which never stops.  Ever down to the sea.  From The Daily Stoic:  Am I working toward something or just working?  Do I have a goal in mind? Is it a worthy goal?  I understand the value of relaxing. It calms. It restores. It lets you unwind and rebuild your store of energy and resolve for what lies ahead.  Relaxing isn't the problem.  Being lazy is a problem.   Going off track is a problem.  Procrastinating is a problem.  Whether these problems arise through accident, mistaken aim, or inattention, they are mistakes I can correct.  When it's time to work, I need to know what I am working for.  That's the purpose of an examined life. That's why I study.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 12: Grief — On Vanquishing Tears with Reason A major Stoic technique for handling grief is one we've seen them use before in other circumstances: negative visualization. Imagining the loss of a loved one whil

Grief is our topic.  A tough lesson, to be sure.  Let me learn today.  From The Daily Stoic:  Boredom is an enemy. Sometimes I find myself sitting around, resisting urges to do something I shouldn't do. Take a nap. Eat the chips. Scroll through Facebook again.  The solution is almost always to be active. If I get off my ass and do something, anything, those thoughts no longer trouble me. Instead, I am engaged. I am useful. I am productive in my life.  I should get off my ass more.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 12:  Grief — On Vanquishing Tears with Reason This one is tough for me. I have my grief. It's a struggle. Let's see what Irvine and the Stoics offer.... Unlike Stoic stereotypes, we grieve. It's natural. It's unconditioned. We do it whether we want to or not.  The point is not  not  to grieve. The point is to do so within reason. This is a hard lesson. Truly difficult.  Many of us have a tendency to o

Blue bell, blue bell Melancholy play Blue knell, blue knell  At the break of day. Do tell, do tell A dark and doleful lay.  Blue bell, blue bell  Melancholy play.* From The Daily Stoic:  A common theme I try to use is to make sure I act in my daily life instead of re act .  Acting is making sure I pause and consider my next step before I do anything.  Re acting is using emotion or a misguided sense of urgency to respond immediately without thinking through the repercussions. By acting instead of reacting, it helps me stay calm and helps ensures my next move serves my purpose.  Instead of " just do something " it becomes " do the right something ." Today's Meditation: From A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 11: Insults — On Putting Up with Put-Downs A few final tips on dealing with insulting interlocutors: Use humor to deflect the ire.  This ties in well to the n

Baby steps done well Shape the course of my life's flow.  Find the path. Move on. From The Daily Stoic:  The journey of a thousand miles...  I make small improvements each day — try to, at least — whether it's being more attentive to my wife, or taking the extra moment with the kids, or resisting the urge to nibble on a sweet. Every little bit helps.  Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 11: Insults — On Putting Up with Put-Downs  More lessons in letting insults pass through us, leaving us untouched. If they are contemptible, be pleased. If whoever is insulting us is a bad person, unworthy of our respect or, worse, worthy of our scorn, then we should be glad they disapprove of our actions. Wouldn't that be a good indicator we're on the right path? Imagine them to be overgrown children. Just as a mother would be foolish to accept Insults from her toddler as real or meaningful, we can remain calm in

Do I show care for Other people in my life? It's time. Do better. From The Daily Stoic:  How much do I care about the opinions of others?  More than I probably admit to myself. See below in my comments about Irvine's lesson today.   Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 11: Insults —  On Putting Up with Put-Downs The Stoics offer many practical lessons for dealing with insults. The first three Irvine covers are: Is it true? Did the speaker say something which is true, if unkind? "Hey fatso!" "Hey baldy!" "Hey jerk!" Well . . . am I fat? bald? acting like a jerk?  If so, why am I upset about someone telling the truth? A better course of action would be to fix the issue they mocked. If that's not possible, learn to accept reality and move on. As it happens, I am fat.  (Oh no!)  I work on it.  I diet and exercise.  It's working, but I'm not there yet.  If

No haiku today Just random words in the mix.  Blah blah blah blah blah. 😏 From The Daily Stoic:  And yet people think Stoicism is an unfeeling, solitary worldview. This quote is from a man who, while not only being the emperor of the Western world and thus all but omnipotent in fulfilling his desires, but who also famously disliked other people.  If he — who could have people executed on the spot should they displease him — can find serving others as "proper human work," who am I to think I should be above others or that they should be treated as means and not ends in themselves?  Work to do. Work to do.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 10: Social Relations — Dealing With Other People Sex is a touchy subject. It's so integral to our psychology that any teaching about it is bound to stir up opposition in some.  The Stoics generally tried to rein in sexual urges, exactly because it is so powerful a force in our lives.

Practicing Stoic Mindfulness today is hard. Change thoughts by my will. From The Daily Stoic:  Luck can happen.  The problem is I can't control it. Preparing myself to succeed, however, is something I can control. From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 10: Social Relations — Dealing With Other People Annoying people are a fact of life.  How best to deal with this unfortunate reality? The Stoics advise a few approaches. Remember that others may find us annoying.   If we keep this in mind, it will not only help keep us from doing annoying things, it will also help us offer empathy and understanding to the one we are dealing with now. Showing our annoyance will likely make things worse.   If we demonstrate how much this person is bugging us, do we really think it will improve their attitude or make them change their behavior?  Fat chance.  Also, by hiding our reaction, we are more likely to get past the annoying part and be able to move on to something more enjo

Do the next right thing.  Surround me with virtuous  People wander by.  From The Daily Stoic:  Let me live so that I can die at any time and know that I did everything I could with the time I had. Holy crap am I behind. Better get on it.  And there's a good thing Stoicism has taught me: though I feel sorrow that I have wasted so much of my life doing unimportant, unproductive things, I take comfort in knowing now my mistake and look forward to doing better. Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 10: Social Relations — Dealing With Other People We know we're going to deal with "interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness" every day. The Stoic advice to mediate these vexation is simple: surround yourself as often as possible with people of virtue. Improve your surroundings and it will improve your life.  — Avoid seeksorrows and curmudgeons.  — Don't go to events w

Walking with the dawn Begins the day with new hope.  Grant me a new peace.  From The Daily Stoic:  Do today what you can do. Waiting is not necessary.  " I'm in this picture and I don't like it ...."  Procrastination gets me all too often. I've been good about doing my reading — seemingly succeeding in making it a habit — but many other things "wait for tomorrow."  On a note pertaining to Marcus Aurelius' statement more directly, I almost always know the right right thing to do in a given circumstance.  Based on my sense of morality, I already have rules to guide me through difficult situations. But I don't always choose to do it. I sometimes choose to do the wrong thing.  This is more important. This is what I must address today.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 10: Social Relations — On Dealing with Other People Though we place ourselves in peril of becoming unhappy and dissatisfied, we shou

My sweet little boy  Passing as the seasons do.  Easier now? No.  Am I sufficiently accustomed to the idea that I may someday lose the things I have? Have I practiced amor fati, love of fate, enough that I can confidently say to myself, "If tomorrow I am robbed of [health / wealth / this or that thing / this or that person], I can endure."?  I doubt it. It's something I need to work on. It's not about not caring or giving up, it's about persevering in the face of hardship.  I've done it once in my life. I still struggle with that loss. He'd have been 12 today.  But I have miles to go before I sleep....

Rain rain go away  Come again some other day.  Little Johnny sighs.  From The Daily Stoic:  Quality > quantity. I surround myself in good books and good friends.  Life is good . . . except for the rain.  Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  PART THREE Stoic Advice  Chapter Nine: Duty § On Loving Mankind Irvine brings up a point I had not noticed in reading The Meditations : Marcus Aurelius really disliked other people.  Irvine quotes numerous passages which suggest that the Roman emperor felt antipathy toward most others, beginning with his famous morning recitation: Despite the distaste humans caused in him, Marcus also daily reminded himself that it was his duty to love others and, even in disagreement, try to come to an understanding.  We have a duty to our fellow humans. We have an obligation to live among them and to look for, strive for, agreement and compatiblility. Finding that copacetic cordiality

Rash actions make for Misery from bad to worse. Prescription? Don't scratch. From The Daily Stoic:  "What I hear, I forget. What I see, I remember. What I do, I understand." Xunzi (340 - 245 BC) I am an auditory learner.  If I hear it, I am more likely to remember it.  If I say it, I am even more likely to remember. Even though this is my primary learning path, I still understand that doing takes it one step further and cements it in my mind.   Today's Meditation: A Calendar of Wisdom by Leo Tolstoy From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 8: Meditation — Watching Ourselves Practice Stoicism The final bit of this section reminds me that my practice of philosophy is an ongoing process.  No one is perfect. No one can be on 100% of the time.  I must forgive myself my trespasses and learn from them.   If Ifail today, I will do better tomorrow.

Tweet. Tweettweettweet. Tweeeeeet.  Sing the song of your people.  It's happening now.  From The Daily Stoic:  What am I doing now ? When I'm lost in thought over some future plans or some forgotten-by-all error from years ago?  I'm missing my daughter's pride in an accomplishment. Or my son's need in a moment of doubt. Or my job to accomplish a task by a deadline.  What is taking up my mental and spiritual energy that I could be putting into what's right in front of me?  Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 8: Meditation — Watching Ourselves Practice Stoicism This is a place where people sometimes confuse Stoicism and stoicism. stoicism is a misunderstanding, an "if I pretend not to have emotions then I'm never hurt" bastardization of the original thoughts.  Stoicism, on the other hand, is a way to produce satisfaction and joy in your life. By understanding the causes of ou

It was a dark and  Stormy night. Child at my door.  Soothing his fears. Shhhh.  From The Daily Stoic:  I'm a work in progress, as are all practicing Stoics. I work daily to improve but still, often, " here I miss, Or there exceed the mark ."  It's a constant training, attempting a Stoic life. I can always do better.  Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 8: Meditation — Watching Ourselves Practice Stoicism Pausing during my daily activity to reconcile my thoughts and actions against my Stoic ideals is a necessary step in living an examined life. It offers me an immediate opportunity to correct mistakes as they happen and sets up a feedback system to preempt future errors. This single bit of Stoic advice alone is more helpful than 99% of all the self-help books ever written. 

Hockey playoffs start.  Knife-footed ice gremlins fly.  Stanley Cup to win. From The Daily Stoic:  Just as I can use incremental steps to create a positive new habit I want to adopt (such as exercising every day or journaling), Epictetus reminds me that I can use incremental achievement to eliminate bad habits from my life.  I can focus on not being frustrated or not reacting poorly to other's missteps today . If I can do that, my goal becomes to avoid that behavior again tomorrow. Once I get two days behind me, I focus on each day extending the streak.  In this way, I can build up my self-control, like strengthening a muscle through lifting gradually heavier weights.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 8: Meditation — Watching Ourselves Practice Stoicism There are many good points in this section so I'm going to cover it over more than one day. To start, Stoic meditation is active. It's not Buddhist meditation where you t

Anticipation...  Savory meals to sate me.  Sweeter for waiting.  From The Daily Stoic:  There's a reason the Ten Commandments includes "do not covet thy neighbor's ass." Besides the obvious humor value, it holds this same piece of wisdom.  If I can refrain from wanting the things my friends / family / coworkers / neighbors have, and be thankful for what I already possess, I will be content and undisturbed.  I've done a pretty good job of this in my life. When a friend has something nice, I focus on being happy for them and don't think "gee, I wish I had one, too." Envy is not usually one of my vices. Still, best to remind myself of the misery it can bring were I to succumb to it.  Today's Meditation: From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 7: Self-Denial On Dealing with the Dark Side of Pleasure Practicing self-denial is essential for happiness. It seems contradictory, but, when we think about it, it

Today, love my life.  Tomorrow, make it better.  Yesterday, accept.  From The Daily Stoic:  I must assess my self worth based on my internal life. Am I being a good person? Am I doing the best I can? Am I playing my part to the best of my ability?  Anything else is failing the first lesson: know what is up to me and what is not up to me.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 6, Fatalism: Letting Go of the Past . . . and the Present Amor fati . . . love of fate. To be satisfied with things as they are. Accept what is and to play the hand you are dealt to the best of your ability. 

Habitual books Like koi in a shallow pond  Bring serenity.  From The Daily Stoic:  “ We are what we repeatedly do ,” Aristotle said, “ therefore, excellence is not an act but a habit .” Much has been written about habits on recent psychology. Seven Habits of Highly Defective People, Three Habits Which Will Blow Your Mind, the Habits of the Seven Secret Samurai Senseis.... You get the idea that it might be hard to do sometimes.  Creating habits can, with effort, become a habit itself. You find a pattern that works for you and see if it can be adapted to your new situation.  I seek virtue — living in accord with nature — by using justice, courage, temperance, and wisdom as lodestars on my journey.  These readings, learning from the giants of the past, and practicing with my Stoic friends and family (both IRL and online), help me form better habits help me form a better me.  From  A Guide to the Good Life  by William B. Irvine  Chapter 5,The Dichotomy of Control

Be kind. Live it now.  The world spins on regardless, But I must love others.  From The Daily Stoic:  My favorite Facebook page's motto is #BeKind. That's one of the reasons I like it so much.  Be kind is the number one thing I want my kids to learn from me. Before work hard. Before love learning. Before perseverance. Before eat right and exercise. Before myriad other qualities which will serve them well in life.  All of those things are important, desperately important, to me that they learn them and practice them in their lives, but being kind is higher even than that.  I try hard to model this, but I still have work to do.  Today I will be better. Today they will see this from me. Today's Meditation: A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine  Chapter 5,The Dichotomy of Control, § On Becoming Invincible Irvine makes an important distinction missing from most analyses of Epictetus' famous opening to his Handbook: "Some things are up to

Joy in my children  Laughter even in tough times.  Stoic gratitude.  From The Daily Stoic:  Virtue is its own reward. Vice is its own punishment. If I live properly, according to justice, temperance, courage, and wisdom, my heart and my soul can be at peace.  Today's Meditation: Hedonic adaptation .  <<The hedonic treadmill, also known as hedonic adaptation, is the observed tendency of humans to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative events or life changes. According to this theory, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise in tandem, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.>> (Wikipedia)  This is why Stoic negative visualization helps create a sense of appreciation for life in those who practice it. A long quote from A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine. <<Epictetus also advocates negative visualization. He counsels us, for example, when we kiss our child, to reme