210529 What I learned in my studies this morning

Grief is our topic. 

A tough lesson, to be sure. 

Let me learn today. 

From The Daily Stoic: 

Boredom is an enemy. Sometimes I find myself sitting around, resisting urges to do something I shouldn't do. Take a nap. Eat the chips. Scroll through Facebook again. 

The solution is almost always to be active. If I get off my ass and do something, anything, those thoughts no longer trouble me. Instead, I am engaged. I am useful. I am productive in my life. 

I should get off my ass more. 

From A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine 

Chapter 12:  Grief — On Vanquishing Tears with Reason

This one is tough for me. I have my grief. It's a struggle. Let's see what Irvine and the Stoics offer....

Unlike Stoic stereotypes, we grieve. It's natural. It's unconditioned. We do it whether we want to or not. 

The point is not not to grieve. The point is to do so within reason. This is a hard lesson. Truly difficult. 

Many of us have a tendency to overdo grief.  Seneca knew this... 

From The Practicing Stoic by Ward Farnsworth 

The extra sadness or tears or wailing or collapsing onto the chair. It demonstrates to others we really cared about ___. It shows, proves to ourselves, the we cared about ___. 

"Isn't this the appropriate response?" we think. "Aren't I supposed to go beyond sanity and utterly breakdown?" "If I react less than expected, people will doubt I truly loved ___." 

It's insidious. Somewhere in our minds we've accepted the idea that overreaction is the proper action. 

Life will be better if we find what is natural to our grief and allow it to stop there.

A tough lesson to be sure.