210526 What I learned in my studies this morning

Do I show care for
Other people in my life?

It's time. Do better.

From The Daily Stoic: 

How much do I care about the opinions of others?  More than I probably admit to myself. See below in my comments about Irvine's lesson today.

 

Today's Meditation:

From A Guide to the Good Life by William B. Irvine 

Chapter 11: Insults — On Putting Up with Put-Downs

The Stoics offer many practical lessons for dealing with insults.

The first three Irvine covers are:

1. Is it true? Did the speaker say something which is true, if unkind? "Hey fatso!" "Hey baldy!" "Hey jerk!"
   
   Well . . . am I fat? bald? acting like a jerk?  If so, why am I upset about someone telling the truth? A better course of action would be to fix the issue they mocked. If that's not possible, learn to accept reality and move on.
   
   As it happens, I am fat.  (Oh no!)  I work on it.  I diet and exercise.  It's working, but I'm not there yet.  If someone makes fun of my weight, I laugh and agree with them.  Acting surprised ("Wait. What? I'm fat? Why hasn't anybody told me this?!?!?") usually gets a laugh back or, even better, confusion on their part because they don't know how to respond when someone doesn't get angry at their taunt.
   
   Aside: one of my favorite response to childhood yo mama jokes — e.g. "Yo mama's so fat, her measurements are 36-24-26, and that's just her left arm." or "Yo mama's breath so bad when she walked by a clock it said, 'Tic Tac.'"— was "You know Mom?!?!?"  It always shut them up because it was so unexpected.  Worked like a charm and they (usually) never tried that approach again. ;-)
   
   
2. Does the speaker know something I don't know? Maybe they have more information. Maybe they have a different viewpoint than I do.  Maybe they think they know something but are mistaken.
   
   Better to understand where they are coming from and act appropriately than to assume ill-intent and lose my composure because of it.
   
   
3. Consider the source. See Marcus' quote from The Daily Stoic above. If they are someone I respect, there's a good chance I am taking what they said the wrong way. Maybe they meant it as advice or frank acknowledgement rather than an insult. If they are usually honest and friendly to me, then something made them say this.
   
   If they are not someone I respect, why on Earth would I give a damn about their opinion?
   
   This goes infinituple for anything online. An. Y. Thing.

Accepting insults is one area I feel I have a pretty good handle on: I am generally not-too-affected by what others say about me.  (Just the other day my nephew commented about a certain vice I had, saying, "Only dweebs XYZ."  I laughed and agreed and told him he shouldn't do it.)

This, I think, might be a danger sign: I think I am unaffected.  Best to step back and examine my thoughts. Am I really ok after an insult?  Do I truly not care?

Another place to practice and be watchful.