221005 What I learned in my studies this morning 2

Hey! STFU. 
Yes, me. I need to zip lips. 
Focus on kindness. 

Daily Stoic:

Never miss a good opportunity to shut up. ~ Variously attributed

I work hard to keep an even keel. I monitor myself for those precursors to heated actions or words — increased heart rate and respiration, furrows in my brow, feelings of tense anxiety and the urge to do unpleasant things (physical, verbal, emotional), etc. — in an effort to forestall such impulses. Better yet, sometimes I can spot the inchoate process in time to change tack and prevent it from ever reaching a threshold of action.

"You hurt most those you love most" — an old saying, and true, in my experience.

I get frustrated with family much more often than I do with others.  More often than not, though barely perhaps, I can tamp it down and practice Stoic patience, acceptance, and forgiveness. But far too often for my liking, I find myself saying words I wish I could take back. 

These aren't tirades, flying off the handle and yelling full force or making cutting remarks designed to denigrate or hurt them. No, they're normal instances of allowing frustration to escape my filters and come out in unpleasant ways: (temporarily) harmful to my relationships, but not permanently damaging.

Like the other day when my son told me he was sorry for making me angry. I was surprised and tried to reassure them that I wasn't angry with him. Then he repeated my words to me and I realized that I had, in fact, demonstrated my anger at him in a way I hadn't even realized. He'd taken my words to heart far more than I'd meant him to and was genuinely worried that I was angry with him. 

I apologized and, so far as I know, it was believed and accepted, but I still wish I'd controlled myself in the first place, holding my tongue rather than let slip the words which so bothered my child. He deserves a better me. They all do. 

Today's Meditation:

Today's Meditation II:

Today's Music:

Mélodie from Orfeo ed Euridice by Christoph Willibald Gluck arr. Giovanni Sgambati

Daily Shakespeare:

The Merchant of Venice, Act 2 Scene 7