231029 What I learned in my studies this morning 3

Out of mouths of babes
Damnation unexpected.
Time to be better.

Today's Meditation(s):

"I don't know where I am, but the light is green." ~ overheard today

Today I lost my temper.

We ordered some food online to be ready ASAP (about 6-7 minutes according to the app). When we're got there 15 minutes later, our order wasn't ready. We waited another 20 minutes before they gave it to us.

When they handed it over, I asked for some extra gravy. She said no, we've already got sauce. When I waived my hand holding the money which she apparently had not seen, letting her know I wanted to buy a small order, she told me to get get in the drive-thru line. I. E. "Get in that line of cars over there, wait 15 minutes to get to the window and then pay me the $ for a small order of gravy."

I told her, in unkind terms at an unkind volume, what I thought of her proposed solution.  (I don't know if she heard me as she'd already closed the window and turned away.)

My family was waiting in the car a few feet away.  They heard me. They saw my bad example.

A few minutes later, when we arrived at my folk's house, my autistic son went upstairs and told to my parents what had happened.

Then he said "I think that was a bad thing and I'm worried my dad might be a bad person."

Ouch.

After they told me about it, I went and talked to him, explaining that what I did was wrong and that sometimes even good people can do bad things. Maybe by accident, maybe by ignorance, or, as in this case, maybe by giving in to a passion.

And I explained that beside being sorry, if I really want to make it better, I have to do things to prevent myself from making the same mistake again later. If I only 'hope and pray' that I act better next time I feel so frustrated, but never find ways to deal with those situations more kindly and more effectively, then my being sorry doesn't really count; my apology is false if I am just as inclined as before to do it again next time.

Now, I've work to do. Back to Meditations 2.1, eh?