240319 What I learned in my studies this morning 4

Today's Meditation(s):

Enchiridion, 30 (Waterfield)

What other people do is not up to me.  What I do is.

Focus on what I can do when someone has done wrong to me: choose my thoughts and judgments and opinions.

I've heard people object to Stoicism on the grounds that it prescribes a life of misery because you 'have to just put up with stuff' without complaint or reaction.

While the complaint part of that statement is true ('Don't be overheard complaining . . . even to yourself.' Med. 8.9), Stoics are well within their philosophical rights to adjust their relationship with others as necessary, moving closer or withdrawing as is appropriate to their actions and our aims.

If someone is a jerk, I don't have to associate with them.  I can choose to excise them from my life. If I must deal with them, I can keep those interactions brief and focused so as to limit the malcontent's opportunity to cause trouble.

I also remember the Socratic / Stoic admonition that no one does wrong on purpose. Perhaps they are ignorant. Perhaps they misjudged or misunderstood. Perhaps the wiring in their brain is FUBAR. Perhaps they are intoxicated. Any of these (and more) could cause someone to act viciously. 

Can I find the mistake and correct it? Can I help them become better? Can I do it in a way that won't just cause different problems later?

If so, I can try to ameliorate their viciousness and find harmony with them. If not, I limit interaction as much as possible and move on.

Also, have I checked to see if I did something that they believe justifies the behavior? If I have, can I make amends and repair the relationship?