240327 What I learned in my studies this morning 4

Today's Meditation(s):

Enchiridion, 33.14 (Waterfield)

Epictetus boasting about his party pooping prowess again . . . .

Seriously, too seriously, Stoics get a bad reputation in some circles because of things like this.  Better to stay home than to be the guy who lectures about morality at the festival.

It strikes me as odd that Epictetus mentions "it's a good way to lessen the respect you receive from those around you." (The other translations I checked were similar to this.)

It seems to make a nod toward William Irvine's derived 'trichotomy of control': 

• things we control (inner, mental things)
• things we don't control (externals e.g. weather or government), and
• things we do not control but over which we have exert some influence (our health by exercising and eating well, other's respect by following Epictetus' advice above, etc.)

[Many modern Stoics dislike Irvine because his 'dichotomy of control'.  They say it misinterprets the idea of 'up to us versus not up to us'.  But they never explain what 'up to us' means if it doesn't mean that we make decisions about, and use of, whatever it is that is 'up to us'.  Kinda like, oh, just to choose a random word here . . . control . . . over that thing.]

The rest of this passage is simply good advice about being with others in public: listen more than you speak; encourage others talk of themselves rather than talk about yourself; be careful with humor; avoid lewdness and crude behavior.

Any $5 self-help book about communication with tell you similar things.

These are not iron-clad rules. Why? Because there's a secret to effective communication that will sometimes allow even crudeness into the conversation: Read the room.

If I am with old friends, people whom I know exceedingly well and with whom I have a history, humor is given a much broader leash than if I am at a business function. Same with crudeness.  Most of the time, it can be avoided, but, sometimes, darn just won't accomplish what a well-time FUCK will.

Be flexible. Hold fast to your virtue, but, if you read the room and you know it will work, you can stop worrying about these particular faux pas.