250626 What I learned in my studies this morning 5

Today's Meditation(s):

The Pocket Thich Nhat Hanh (ed. by Melvin McLeod), Weathering Strong Emotions

I try to exemplify Stoic teachings for my kids, though I'm not nearly as successful as I wish I were.

Beyond showing, when I try to talk with them about Stoicism, they sometimes offer the same pushback many others do when initially evaluating Stoic methods: they fear that not giving in to their emotions means never having any joy or happiness.

Why (how) can a Stoic love someone without emotions? Is it really love if, when they hurt me, I don't wail and weep and rend my sackcloth? 

How can I be happy without emotions? Happy is an emotion, right? Gotcha!

How can life without emotions have value? Only transcendent joy can motivate me!

It seems that people are afraid that life would become an endless, boring grey slog, empty of everything other than some weird, never-ending meh. While not painful per se, it turns out to be worthless because giving up emotions means giving up on what makes life worth living!

Or so they think.

They are coming around to understanding that emotions are not the enemy. Letting emotions control you and dictate your life are.

I offered them this question:

Assume something really bad has happened.

Now assume that you are really upset about it.

Now assume you need to act, to do something, because of this event.

Which one of these options do you think will give you the best opportunity to take that action / make that decision / play out that scene to give you the best  chance at the best outcome you can achieve?

1. I am highly emotional. I remain highly emotional as I work through immediately reacting to the situation. I go with my gut and hope it leads to the Promised Land (even though it never has before).

2. I am highly emotional. I use my techniques — Stoic, Buddhist, CBT, whatever works — to step back and evaluate my situation. I acknowledge my emotions and their importance, but do not give in to them. I tell myself that, if necessary, I can come back to them later. Then, after time and techniques have provided my with a sense of calm, I act with purpose.

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I try to help them understand that we are not banishing emotions. We are in a partnership where we, instead of they, are in control.

Emotions are important information, but they are also often incorrect, slapdash, foolhardy, and / or narrowly focused on the wrong part of the situation.

So we find ways to adjust ourselves. We explore paths others have discovered before us, but which we are seeing for the first time. We know they lead to where we want to go, but we still need to take the 10000 steps necessary to get there.

Now I have a new way to share with them to help keep their emotions useful and purposeful. I like it.